Ode to my Cancer

I scanned my body to find a dark, black creature sitting in the corner.

In front of them was the darkest of black holes.

I began to converse with them.

What are you?

I am fear

I am anger

I am the darkest parts of you that are twisted and tormented

I do not know how to change

I do not know how to let go

I do not know

I ask if they could just start by changing the colour from the blackest of blacks.

I cannot change my colour

This is me

This is my identity

This represents who I am

I asked them to try

As I watched them try to change, the colour changed to a dark brown.

See, I said, you can change.

That is all I can do

If you can change a little, maybe you can change a little more

I watched as the colour changed to a light brown and then to a grey.

That is all I can do. There is no colour in me, just the bleakness of this

If you can change from black to brown to grey, maybe you can change to another colour.

I watched as the colour changed to yellow.

This time they continued to change, and I saw the yellow turn to orange, to pink, to green, to blue.

Can you change to a rainbow?

And I watched as they did.

I then said, you have changed the blackest of black holes to all these colours, what about you? Can you change yourself?

I don’t believe I can.  That blackest of black holes was what I created, but I am still the same bleakness.

Why don’t you just walk into the rainbow of colours you have created, to see what happens?

I watched as they walked into the rainbow and saw them transform.  They went from black to brown to grey. To yellow, to orange to green to blue.

They smiled at me.

I have changed.

I have transformed

I am no longer the bleakest and blackest and darkness of all

I am life

I am a miracle

I am healed

Do you need to stay here, or are you able to leave?

I am a part of you

I am a part of your history

I will remain here, except now I sit in love and to remind you just how wonderful life can be when you choose to experience the changes and growth that can occur through awareness and a willingness to change

You are truly powerful

You are truly amazing

You are truly love.

And with that I smiled to myself.  Life is truly miraculous when I allow myself to truly feel into love.

Written by Carolyn King



If you prefer, you can listen to it here on YouTube

Get my self-care plan and walking meditation for FREE!