Everyone has a dark side. Everyone has those parts of themselves that they deny, ignore or fight off. To be a nice, happy person we think that we can’t have negative thoughts, that we can’t be hard on ourselves, that we need to squash the anger and hatred down. But by doing this you are actually only harming yourself. By doing this you are not dealing with the emotions which will only fester and surface at a later date. The problem with this is, that that later date may not be the best time for these emotions to come out. You could explode in anger when you are driving your car or at a dinner party with friends or family. You could break down when you are in a business meeting or at work. You could overindulge in food or alcohol. You could find other ways to ignore or push these feelings down. Yes, we humans are very clever at masking things we don’t want to deal with.
To really find happiness in you, you need to embrace ALL parts of yourself. The good, the bad and the “ugly” (nothing is truly ugly, it’s just a judgement you may have placed on something until you fully understand it).
Here are my 4 STEPS to help you integrate your SHADOW SIDE:
BE WILLING TO DO THE WORK
Firstly you need to be willing to do the work. Quite often we say we want to be happier or feel more at peace but without action it’s just a thought with no real commitment.
Yes, working on yourself takes time.
Yes, working on yourself takes commitment.
Yes, working on yourself won’t always be easy.
BUT working on yourself
WILL improve your life.
WILL improve your happiness; and
WILL improve your peace.
And when I say it won’t be easy, it means that there will be periods of discomfort, there will be periods of uncertainty, and there may be tears, but all of this is necessary if you want to clear your baggage and grow the levels of happiness in your life.
GAIN AWARENESS
Once you’ve committed to doing the work and you are willing to take action you need to become aware of what is hiding in your shadow side. There are many ways you can do this.
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- You can meditate on it. See yourself walking into a dark forest with the intention of “seeing” what it is you are keeping in the shadow.
- You can write on it. Spend some quiet time reflecting on those emotions that you know you ignore.
- You can become aware of it. During the day take notice of how you feel at different times of the day. If there is a strong emotional response to something, reflect back and objectively look at if the emotional response was warranted.
Make a list of what you feel or see is hiding in your shadow so that the awareness is brought into your conscious awareness.
TAKE ACTION
Now take something from your shadow side that you wish to heal and think about when this emotion started. If we take anger as an example, try to think back to a time that you weren’t angry. If that is difficult then think about whether anger was a part of your upbringing. Were your parents angry often? If so, is there a possibility that you have taken on that same way of behaving?
If you can find a time that you weren’t angry think about what caused the anger to surface. Is that reason still valid? If not, that’s great. If it is, really question why it’s still valid. Do you need to make changes in your life to eliminate this reason for anger? Anger, as an emotion can be quite multifaceted, meaning there can be many layers to the anger so this could take a bit of time to work through. Don’t give up though because every layer you clear is a layer of peace that will enter your life.
DON’T STOP
Continue to shed light on what may be hiding in your shadow. As we grow and evolve, life will throw us more curve balls and things to work on. But the more work you do the easier and quicker things become. You begin to notice what you may be hiding or running away from so that you can clear the imbalance, you will make better decisions in life in general and you will start to respond to life rather than react.
When we are at peace and when we have shed light on our darker side, it no longer seems so dark. When we illuminate the parts of ourselves that we wish to heal, then healing can take place. Life becomes lighter, freer and easier. We go with the flow, manifest what we truly desire and begin to live life with Empowered Happiness.
Of course, if you feel you need help with this (and I know I sure did) please reach out. I am available for Skype sessions now so you don’t need to leave your home.
And remember, Happiness Starts with a Smile, but Empowered Starts with a Choice. What will you choose today?
